Do you want to be more confident? |

Let’s face it, we all care about how people see us, how and what people think about us whether we show it or not. If we didn’t care about what people thought of us then our society would be very different from what it is today. Confidence is something that everyone struggles with regardless of age or sex. Some have said the key to confidence is achieving. This is because when you accomplish things, you are sure about yourself and your abilities. Some have said it is being yourself at all times regardless of what others might say or think about you. Is it that simple? No. If you base your confidence on your achievements, then what happens when you fail? If you don’t care about what people think of you at all times then you won’t have any friends. So, how do you strike the right balance?

Although a lot of books and articles have touched on this, they leave a very important part out. They forget to give the reader what they can do to be confident? They forget to tell the reader how to be confident and being so without being thought of as arrogant or an asshole. Whatever the reason maybe, people are confident in certain situations but not in others. Why is that? It is because their source of confidence is not coming from the right place, the self; it is based on something other than the self, experience, knowledge of an event, or something else.

Confidence is defined by many dictionaries and worthy sources as a “state of being certain.” This begs the question, being certain about what? It is easy to be certain about a lot of things; I was certain about what I was going to have for breakfast this morning and I was certain that I was going to exercise before going to the beach today. These are certainties that I have total control over. A more accurate definition of confidence is being certain in yourself; meaning, if you say you are going to do something or be a certain way then you do it. But often time this is confused with arrogance as in the case of Kanye West.

How can you really be confident in every situation? It is very simple. It starts with the self. Let me explain further.

Start with yourself
The first step in building your confidence is to accept you for who you are. Accept yourself for the good and the things you imagine to be bad about yourself. I say imagine because we tend to criticize ourselves more than others do. Have you heard the phrase, “you are your own worst critic”? This is exactly what it means. Stop beating yourself up and start accepting yourself as you are. Forgive yourself for everything you think you have done wrong or bad. Then forgive those who you think have wronged you and let go of that anger. This will free your mind then you can focus on yourself. A trouble free mind is more productive than one that is not. Good and bad are relative terms; meaning, what you think you have done that is bad and unforgivable is that way because you think of it that way. What is bad in your eyes is not necessary bad in another person’s view and the same goes for what you think is good. When you think of the world in this light, you start to understand the world around you and yourself better. You start to love yourself, all of yourself.

Be who you are
Don’t let anyone change you unless you think is for the better. But, make sure you let them know that you are not changing because they desire the change. Change because you want to not because someone wants you to. Always be yourself, if you feel like laughing, then laugh. If something is beautiful to you and it touches you to were you feel like crying, then cry. Accept your humanity. Admit your mistakes openly and don’t make the same mistakes. After you have admitted the mistake, look for a solution and fix it if you can and if you can’t, move on. Do not dwell on past events that you think are bad. But accept the mistake as your own, own it then disown it.

Be the wonderful person that you are. Don’t follow the mantra that “men don’t cry, women do.” Control your emotions and your feelings; don’t let them or society control you. You are in control of how you feel at all times. Confidence comes from how you feel about yourself. Always remember this, is not what someone says about you that makes you who you are, is your reaction to what they say that defines you. Be yourself, be the best of yourself that you can be.

Be Joyful
When you accept yourself for who you are and you control how you feel in every situation, you will be joyful. More often than not, these go hand in hand. Confident people are joyful people, they are fun to be around and they bring out the best in others. They empower others and motivate others. They enjoy life and take delight in simple things. So, learn to take pleasure in the simple things in life. Stop and admire the sunset ones in a while. Stop and feel the wind ones in a while. Call your mother and tell her that you miss her just because you want to; send your best friend a text message just saying thank you for being a good friend. When you do for others no matter how small a thing maybe, they do the same to or for you. So, be joyful and share your joy with others. Children are a great example of this. My little brother always runs to me and says, “Tata, Tata,” he always says my name twice for some reason but I enjoy it, “I want to show you this new move I learn to do on my playstation game.” I will go into his room and he will show me. Although at times it is something I really don’t care to see, I recognize the joy it gives him for me to just see it. What I get from that experience is a happy little brother who is not afraid to be himself and when he is himself, he is hilarious and makes me laugh. When you make others happy, you are happy.

Help others
Do something nice for somebody one day and then stop to savor how good it feels to help someone. When you help someone your reward is usually not apparent because your reward is generally the feeling you get after helping someone. Confident people look to receive this reward often; they don’t focus on the act of helping someone itself. Give your best to others but don’t let others take your best from you. By accepting yourself for who you are and being yourself, you create in your mind the person that you want to be and at the same time recognize that you have always been this person, is just that your surroundings have conditioned you to think otherwise of yourself. By helping others, you become a positive force in the world; this also helps your confidence.

Insults
This is a killer of confidence if a person has not learned that they can never satisfy everyone. There will always be someone out there who does not like themselves and the only way to get attention is to insult others. This is how to deal with insults; look in the mirror and call yourself a cucumber. Look at yourself in the mirror a little longer; now ask yourself, am I a cucumber? Point being, just because someone says something about you does not make it true. Remember, is not what someone says about you, is how you feel about yourself that matters. No one is perfect so no one has the right insult anyone. This is clich but it holds a lot of truth; everyone is beautiful in their own way.

Your thoughts
Start each day with a positive thought because your first thought is what creates your reality. If you think a negative thought, your outcome will be negative and vice versa. Have principles that you abide by. Always do what you think is best; that is a simple enough principle. When you do this in every situation, your outcome will be joyful because you will have no regrets. Always think the best about others. If you are around someone who is saying something bad about someone else, don’t be a part of it because negative thoughts from or of others can affect you.

Recommendations

Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Exercise regularly and eat healthy. You don’t have to do strenuous exercises, swim; it is fun and is one of the best exercises.

Smile often

Take risk, how do you know if you never try?

When you feel stressed, think of the purpose you are doing what you are doing. If you are working 10hours a day, it can be stressful on the mind and body, but if you think of why you are doing it such as feeding your kids or to buy a nice house by the beach, think about that house or your children not the work.