I only write what I see, but sometimes we see too much. I hope I have not
Discontent
When a people are not happy, oppressed, or are simply dissatisfied with their current status and way of life, they migrate in search of a better life. It is the story of our country; the United States of America. From years of Tyranny from a monarchy that had lost touch with its people to taxation without representation, people became discontented. Maybe today that is why more than before Americans are finding new homes in places like France, Canada and even Cuba because of our country’s poor health care system. That is all I will say about that, see Michael Moore’s film “Sicko” if you have not. You can see a brief introduction on the film by following this link Michael Moore on "Sicko."
Whatever the reason maybe for other Americans, I leave for a different reason. I am in search of a higher truth, the highest truth and at the same time free myself from debt accumulated in college. It won’t be simple but I will not give up until I free myself from the Tyranny of the U.S Department of Education. I believe that education should be free and apparently so does Ireland where education is free at all levels. Did you know that, “In Sweden and Finland, there is not even a fee for foreign students enrolling at a university (exchange or not), although they may not be eligible for the monthly study allowance and loan most nationals are; it is still better than what we have in the United States” (Wiki). I am not discrediting the quality of college education in U.S. But I think is worth knowing your options. Universities in United States are by far some of the best but at what cost? The price of education keeps rising and “No Child Left Behind” is leaving everyone behind. How long will the discontent that we all feel continue before our government stops invading and starts educating? I am in search for answers, but where?
The highest truth I seek has to do with something other than education however. I have this massive loan I have to pay back just to leave college and realize that Intellectual Knowledge is POINTLESS. People are what matters. But everywhere I look I see disunity; it is in higher education, daily life, the haves and the have-nots, in politics, racism, sexism, and even in the one place I thought there was hope in bringing people together, in religion. Religion has caused more disunity than unity. There is the Baptist, the Catholic, the Presbyterian, and the Methodist, each with his own agenda rather than every man’s and woman’s agenda. I am fed up and I don’t think I am alone. My journey begins on April 17th 2009; I am going to South Korea to teach English and in search of something that I don’t know if it even exists; I call this, a higher truth, the highest truth.
I Pack My Bags
I just boarded a Boeing 787 from Atlanta to San Francisco. What is my ultimate destination? To be honest, I don’t know but for now, I am going to South Korea to teach English at ECC Foreign Language Instituted in Pyeongtaek South Korea.
I am afraid, I am nervous, my hands are shaking. I don’t know what to expect. I have never been to an Asian country before. As humans, we are naturally afraid of what we don’t know. But I am aware of this fear although I cannot conquer it. Who can conquer fear? But I am relying on my former travels to help me in this transition. I have been here before, I have felt this before, but I also know this is different. I have traveled to Brazil; I traveled by myself to meet my parents from Cameroon to America and I was only 11 years old. I am scared but fear is natural. Sometimes fear helps us find ourselves. This journey will help me find myself.. I have been looking for so long.
I arrived in San Francisco at 12:05 pm and my next flight leaves in two hours. I will fly from San Francisco to Incheon South Korea. Who is waiting for me? Why am I on this plane? Where am I going? The answers are not that simple.
On My Journey With Me
Saturday April 18, 2009
It is Saturday 7:26 PM and I just got off the plane. Who was supposed to pick me up? I don’t see him, I don’t know him. His name is Eric and his name is Mr. Moon, where are they? Did they forget I was coming today.
I have to find an English speaker. I don’t see anyone. Why am I here? I am crazy. I see the beautiful flight attendant who served me rice in the plane but I don’t think she can help me anymore. That rice sent me to the bathroom twice; who made that rice? My mind is racing.
I have always felt like I am alone, but now I am truly alone. I am alone in South Korea, why are they looking at me? Who is this touching my shoulder?
First Steps
Sunday April 26, 2009
It has been a week since I wrote to you oh dear journal. I have not forgotten you. I have simply been exploring and writing within my head without spilling ink. My days have been long and my nights have been in meditation, what about you? I have thought over why humans are afraid to leave their habitats and I have come to the conclusion even I cannot explain but I know that fear is one of the reasons. Fear is a very strong emotion and I don’t want to be controlled by it because there are others and perhaps stronger emotions that are healthier to experience.
They say the strongest and rewarding emotions to experience are Truth, Love, and Joy; one way or another they lead to one another and in most cases cannot have one without the other. People do not know what to expect when they leave for another land and therefore feel as though they are running from the Truth if they leave, or at times they leave to find that Truth because it is not where they are. Sometimes people leave where they are in search of Love, simple Love that binds the human hearts together and gives the soul what it seeks (experience and knowledge of itself). But what if Love died with the Christ? Are we searching in vain then? But in “Conversations with God” (excellent read, buy it here The Complete Conversations with God)
Forgive my digressing. Sometimes we think we know what we think, write, or say.
Encounters
Hoping to find the truth I seek, I attended a small church of about 14 members today. A Korean English teacher whom I work with invited me. I met her at the door of our work place since the church is towards that direction. I am new in this town, if she gave me directions to the church, I would get lost. We walked towards the church. I must add here that one thing religion does well is to tell you that you don’t want to be or should not be a part of it. Religion tries to get you to take on the ideas of someone else who lived thousands of years ago. Which is fine because we can sometimes find ourselves by looking to our past. But is it not better to live the way you want in simple goodness and truthfulness without someone making you feel guilty for the natural things and desires God has given you? What good does it do anyone by telling them that “they are sinners and they will die in a never ending fire if they do not repent” of their humanity? Has anyone ever asked the question, what will make an Omnipotent and perfect God who has absolute power so angry throughout all of creation that he has to have a judgment day anyway? Why would God give us free-will to do as we please and then punish us for it? But what do I know? I am just as lost and searching as you are.
Anyhow, as we walked through the streets, I could not help but to notice people staring at me; some even pointing. Pointing at people is rude. I thought to myself, have I become a spectacle? Yes, I have become a masterpiece; I am the Statue of David, I am the Mona Lisa, I am the Sistine Chapel, look, stare, but please don’t touch; your humanity might ruin it.
We continued to walk. Ara is her name; she showed me a Starbucks. Starbucks are everywhere now, I thought, even in this small town in South Korea where it seems like no black person has been here before but they have a Starbucks. I say no black person has been here before because of an incident that happened the first day I went to work. The children were screaming and running and pointing. They were yelling a word I have come to learn its meaning; it was this word, ???, which translates to gorilla. But children will be children, right? Most people would be offended by this and with good reason because the adults do little to nothing to educate their children about race in Korea as I have learned from several people. But who knows the biases of people, experience is a better source. I was not and I am not offended by what people might mumble here and there because I have realized one of the simple truths I had known all along but had not realized. It is this, it is not what people say about you that make you who you are, it is your reaction to what they say that defines who you are.
On the second day I went to work, one of the children was curious enough to come up to me. I just watched as she moved gracefully towards me, rubbed her hand against mine and looked at me in astonishment. Yes, I am black and it doesn’t rub off I thought while smiling at her; oh I wish I had a camera with me to record this moment. Make of it what you will; I thought it was priceless in a lot of ways. More happened the first few days but I will talk about those events another time. A few minutes later, we entered a small building that was old with signs above it.
When we entered, as if they were expecting us, everyone looked at the door. There was an older lady among the members who stared more boldly than others. I thought to myself, close your mouth lady, a fly might be your next source of protein. I know you are curious and cannot believe you are seeing a black person on this side of town but can you be more discrete about it.
A man in a suit started to approach us. My thoughts were, please speak English, please speak English, please speak English; damn disappointed again. We are in church please don’t say “damn,” my other side of the brain started to preach, but I was saved from this sermon by the man. He started to speak but in Korean while looking at me. Isn’t it obvious? I thought again. Anyhow, Ara translated, “hello I am the pastor, welcome.” A few minutes later, a group of women walked in smiling exceedingly and looking at me and my dreadlocks with interest. What’s with women and hair? This is going to be a day I remember!
Before service and Ara translating, I spoke with the pastor for awhile. He asked where I was from, my religion, why I was in Korea, my interests, my age and many more questions. In Western culture some of these if not all are intimate questions whose answers are reserved for those closer to you but in Korea there is no such thing as an intimate question, at least from my experience so far. However, before coming to Korea, I read several boring books about the culture and its people. Reading books about a culture is not something I recommend because all the books I read were dead wrong with exceptions of a few paragraphs. It is better to just go and see for yourself. Anyhow, these are common questions meant to know the other person deeply and are a sign of friendship and sometimes just asked for the sake of curiosity. I also learned that religion is asked not because they want to judge or criticize you but simply to reach out to you. In North America which is heavily influenced by a belief in Christianity, when it is found out you have a different belief system you are sometimes ridiculed and scorned, the opposite of Christian teachings. Christ preached a message of love and acceptance of all people, but today that message has been lost in the many fabrics and faces of religion.
Don’t get me wrong, I embrace spirituality and believe in the Almighty, I just do not believe in religion because religion tries to make you take on the beliefs and ideas of others whereas spirituality is the need to find your own way, to question, to yearn and to seek the Almighty. But enough about that. I do not expect or wish that you agree with me, find your own way, but if you have something to contribute to this ideology whether in disagreement, anger, or just needing somewhere to spill your truths, write a comment my friend.
I tried my best to answer his first question. Not that it is a hard question but because no one here not even the teachers at ECC know where my home town of Marietta, GA is. I explained to him that it is in the metro area of Atlanta and since the pastor did not know Atlanta I wanted to use another city that he had heard of to describe my city. Unfortunately, he had only heard of a few, New York and San Francisco being the once he focused on. But these are larger cities than Marietta and or Atlanta. So that approach failed but he went on to ask another question after telling him what Atlanta is famous for and what the state of Georgia is famous for; he loves peaches so that made a good but brief conversation. It seems everyone here loves fruits and vegetables, maybe is the secret to their younger looking skin compared to North America. I say this because I had mistaken my co-worker who is twenty eight but looking at her you would think she was 23 even though she smokes. The age versus looks here is a phenomenal that deserves a discussion of its own.
When he asked about my religion, I told him that I am a believer and went to church with my family until I learned to think for myself. I cannot put it any simply than that. And being that my mother is tolerant and open minded with a lot of things and a lot of my decisions, she only did what any mother would do; which is to call and say “go to church” once in awhile when I was in college. But her faith in me to find my own way helps me wake up and say to myself God is not a man, God is not a woman, God is everything and to affix God to any particular form or shape is narrow-mindedness.
I could not get him to understand this and I did not try not because he belongs on the other side; religion, a belief system like politics that uses fear and other tactics to scare those who prefer for others to think for them. We have been told all our lives that we are sinful and we should be ashamed of ourselves. And those Souls that have not evolved simply follow like they were in Hitler’s army. What is there to be ashamed of? Who turned God into a vindictive and angry God? Why has God too become the tool for fear mongers to use in order to obtain and keep earthly power; to tell others that this is the word of God and I am His messenger so listen to me or perish in eternal flames. How can a perfect God be angry for so long over one sin by Adam? Sometimes I think that story is made up. But who knows? He forgives all sin if we repent, have you ever asked your preacher how come he has not forgiven us of this sin? Maybe someday I will find out the answers to this and many questions I have but I will keep asking and seeking and experiencing. Only through experience can we satisfy our Souls and evolve.
I told him I was in Korea as an English teacher at a hagwon nearby. Hagwon is the name for foreign language institutes. I told him I love Literature, hence, my major. That I loved to ask questions and read, design websites, love soccer, and a few other things I am passionate about. He was please to hear this by the look on his face because somewhere in our conversation he seemed pleased at my answers. I write this not to boast or to bring out of you any emotion because I simply don’t care for that; I simply write it because it was so. It was time for service to begin because his son, 12 years old, started to play the piano. After service he invited me to dinner but I could not go because of prior plans.
One thing I have learned in Korea also is how hospital the people are. The society is very different from the west. A child in Korea has more than one parent, in fact, everyone is a parent to that child. I saw this when a child fell and immediately the two ladies sitting next to the parent ran to the child first to wipe him, hug him and set him about before the mother could even react. It is very interesting to see. Relationships are very important here and for the most part, once established, they seem to last a lifetime. I have been invited to coffee by total strangers and given food by total strangers. My search for truth, unconditional love for all people, and many of my hearts longings has lead me to this part of the world, why? I have witnessed both the good and what I imagine to be the bad. With time, I will see more, maybe even find the truth I seek. Maybe I already have and I have just not realized it. Maybe it lives within me and I have just not acknowledged it. Who knows? I am here for a reason, nothing is a coincidence.
From the Soul within my Soul
Tuesday April 28, 2009
I will not write every day. I will write only when my soul begs to reveal itself. I spend a considerable amount of time writing poems, exploring this new land and doing a plethora of other things that interest me, so when I write know that it comes from the soul.
In America racism is a part and history of the country. The founding fathers who were slaves themselves to Britain owned slaves. From those stolen from Africa and those Africans sold by their own people who until this day refuse to claim Africa and instead claim a land that has rejected them for so long, to the modern day slavery of Latinos organized in the form of cheap labor, it continues. Slavery of the mind and slavery of the body, it is like the world trade center and the first floor belongs to America, which floor do you belong in?
Is it possible to absolve like Emerson, sacrifice like Christ in this world we have created?
Thinking About Home
It has been long since I called home. I am alone, I have always been alone. Is it because I choose to be? I miss my brother. He is so young, I want to see him but all I have are pictures and memories. Pictures of him building a snow man, playing in the snow, and memories of him trying to walk to me, trying to steal the soccer ball from me as I dribble, chasing me around the house because I drank his juice as he put the carton back in the fridge but to look at his cup and is empty. I will see him soon.
Maybe I was right in Dr. Adamos, Introduction to Philosophy class when I first said that intellectual knowledge is pointless. Being an intellectual, we debated this for weeks. She constantly reminded me of the first philosopher, Thales, and his prediction of the eclipse and I would say yes that is good to know but how is that going to help me in today’s world? Maybe if I was lucky and got selected to go on Jeopardy and that was the last question to win a million bucks it would be helpful. It all started at home, my denial to go to church because people there pretended like they cared and when they will see someone begging for something to eat and they will walk away pretending like they did not see them. What happened to the “Good Samaritan?” What happened to “love thy neighbor?” Am I missing something? I have seen this even here in this socialistic society, the Republic of Korea. Does the highest truth even exist? If it does, will I find it here? What is the highest truth? Is it to love all unconditionally, to speak in truthfulness at all times, to do for others as you will have them do on to you? Was Buddha correct? Was Christ correct? Did they just speak without practice? Think about this a moment before reading on because if we don’t look within ourselves for answers where can we look? There experiences of others, even in death, can help guide us to find our own.
It would be wrong to mourn the death of Michael Jackson. He lived an interesting life and he was great at what he did. He united people of all kinds with his melody. His soul reached a point were it did not desire to be in the body any longer because it had reached its highest purpose for this lifetime. I love his music and I remember him in everything, which to me is more honoring than to share a tear for a soul that has reached its goal. It just shows how human love tries to confine, to keep for itself what does not belong to it. Michael Jackson belonged to none of us and he gave us all he had through his music. Not disrespecting those that mourn the dead, but I know the pain from many loved ones who have left me. First it was my uncle, then my aunt, only a few months apart, and then my grandfather who felt the pain of watching his two children die in front of him. I have mourned them deeply. Believe me I know the pain. I have mourned for years the death of my grandfather, my aunt and my uncle and until this day I mourn them even though my heart tells me they had reached their purpose. But in all of it I have realized that pain and grief will only steal away from your life experience, instead remember those that were and are not any more in the physical; MEMORIES are precious. Intellectual knowledge is pointless; people are what matters.
This is my journal: Tata Nanje
I will write again soon
This post may be updated from time to time
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